So Disney is buying LucasFilms and they're going to make another Star Wars.
Fine.
I won't see it. This is not a boycott.
In short, I hate remakes and sequels. In the past few years, it seems like it's been getting worse. I remember seeing at one point a marquee that had nothing on it except remakes, sequels, and branded franchises.
So I made a rule for myself. No remakes. No sequels. No movies made under what I suspect are purely mercenary motives. I'll watch 'em, but only if it's free on Netflix or something.
I'm sorry, Star Wars, but those are the rules that I made up. You already got a hefty shitload of my money anyway, which is, honestly, part of the problem.
High concept trash is fine; I kinda liked Cowboys and Aliens. It's there to make a buck, everyone knows it. But at least with those, you have to stake your own claim. The shit may write itself, but you have to find your own place to start.
There are also films like Peter Jackson's underrated King Kong, which was a remake but nevertheless managed to deliver a very effective statement about things of beauty and power, things we love, being exploited for cash and ultimately turning against us.
On the other hand, you get just pure, mercenary bullshit. Movies to sell toys. Movies about toys that are already brands. Nostalgia remakes of shitty TV shows. Movies about boardgames. Movies about rides at Disney World.
(Actually, I think the Pirates of the Caribbean flicks were decent; Johnny Depp showing us how to turn some piece of trash script into a kind of "found object" art.)
There simply comes a point, though, where you simply know which way the wind blows and what kind of operation you're standing down wind from. The only thing you can do is walk away.
The Sunk Cost
That brings us back to Lucas. I've already spent too much on Star Wars. I don't give a shit that Lucas "sold out" or whatever -- he did that in the 80s with all those Kenner toys we all loved so much.
I'm talking about the following list: Original Trilogy boxed set (widescreen). Original Trilogy boxed set, special edition (widescreen, the silver ones). Episode I VHS special edition. Episode I DVD. Episode II DVD. Episode III DVD. Original Trilogy boxed set, DVD special edition (widescreen, the silver ones).
I bought all those.
Even if I someday bother to get a BluRay player, I would never buy Star Wars for it. If Disney does release the original versions, I sure as shit won't buy the trilogy AGAIN just to see what they've taken out. I mean, I've bought the fucking thing three times, and I didn't even buy everything I could have.
Why the hell should I?
The Trade-Off
It really, really hurts to think I might miss something awesome. If I can give Cowboys and Aliens a shot, why not Star Wars 7?
I'm pretty much guaranteed to see the next Star Trek film (my wife will insist, but she won't exactly have to twist my arm), so why not make an exception for Star Wars, also?
Well, because...that's what happens. These franchises spring up like the Little Prince's baobab trees, strangling everything new at the box office. You make room for them in the limited number of films you can see in a year, and two things happen:
1. You're not giving someone new a shot to make something completely new and amazing.
2. You're telling the artists you really like that you want them to do the same thing over and over again until they die.
So, yeah. I don't want to see a new Star Wars, precisely because it hurts to think I might miss something awesome.
Fair enough. I am always holding out for the definitive version. Final originals. It is why I've not gotten any copies of Star Wars or Aliens or anything else I love so much. Heck, I don't buy televisions because they come out with new and better ones so often. Star Wars seven? I'm sure we'll sit together and watch it someday. Vodka, beer, commentary and sarcasm.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely hope so. Someday!
DeleteSure, "Psycho" was awful. And "The Stepford Wives" made me ick.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, what about, "True Grit," "The Departed," or "The Thing (carpenter's)?
"twelve Monkeys," was pretty good. I loved the "reimagined" Battlestar Galactica.
And the King Kong you mentioned was excellent, except for Jack Black of course.
Also, keep up on the rumours and interviews. Lucas original 12 part story he has been denying he ever said anything about for 15 years is being brought up. By cast members. Who have been talking to Lucas about it for up to a year.
Which is just their word, of course, but when Harrison Ford says on record he is game, maybe there is something to it.
As for the something/somebody new. You are right. But the directors that Lucas approached for 7 are new. At least, I had only remotely heard of them.
I am excited. For now. I mean, I was worried when Disney bought Marvel. But, well, about half the movies a good and they sure made money. Moreover, they listened to the fans and were pretty dang good about not screwing up the good stuff or introducing bad stuff.
(Side note. Fuck Thor. And the Comic book about him. And the Marvel movies. I am certain the heard my bitching about incorporating him into the new movie cannon, and decided to tap my favourite director just to placate me. They failed. Which makes me dislike Thor even more. You hear me, Thor? Fuck you.)
So, yeah, if you can sit through some lens flare, I suspect you can at least approach the new Star wars with out rage-vomiting all over Disney's nice things.